That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
