I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
