dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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