ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
