Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
