After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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