Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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