I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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