They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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