His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
