So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
