I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
