my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
