I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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