Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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