I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I CAN MOONWALK!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
