And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
