I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
