highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
