I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you are never too drunk for berry picking
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
