Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
