My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
