im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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