This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
