How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
