Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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