So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
