I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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