im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
