Can i not drive my cunt home
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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