the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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