i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
