Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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