saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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