Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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