God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
