My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
