I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
