i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Your penis caused this!
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