the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
