That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
