youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
