WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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