Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
