She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
