my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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