I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
