i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
