I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
