I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
