I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
